Learning To Love Your Voice

Dear Students,

Today I want to share with you some thoughts on learning to love your voice. While I focus primarily on the singing voice, the following musings could apply to your singing voice, or your artistic voice, or even the way you express yourself through a musical instrument.

It isn’t always easy to love your voice, and most of us have some kind of a love-hate relationship with it. Our voices are integral parts of who we are- they’ve been with us since the beginning and through thick and thin. In fact, our voices show our authentic selves for better or worse, sometimes to our benefit and sometimes to our embarrassment. We may have all had the experience of an unwanted voice crack during public speaking that shows the nervousness we thought we’d hidden well. Or we may take for granted how the humor or kindness in our voices allows us to express what we mean through a joke or a few short words.

But somehow, what seems so automatic in speaking takes on a new, difficult-to-reconcile light in singing. Suddenly it’s not just about expressing what we mean, but also meeting the aesthetic expectations held by others, and more importantly and far often more harshly, held by ourselves. As a teacher, I cannot count the number of times a new student has talked depreciatingly about their voices, speaking at length about that which they would change but without honest credit for the qualities in their voices that sound good.

Sadly, many of the negative narratives around our voices arise early in life – whether someone (a teacher, family member, or peer) has spoken negatively about our singing voices, or whether we have simply observed others speak disparagingly about their own voices. Cultural narratives perpetuated by talent shows, such as American Idol or America’s Got Talent, present a scenario where singing is a “talent” you either have or don’t – and if you don’t and still “attempt” to sing, you will be met with criticism at best and mockery at worst. Children are born loving their voices and only later learn to dislike them. Yet you are in voice lessons now because you’ve been able to retain your love of singing despite this.

Let’s not beat around the bush. We sing because it feels good. It feels good to use our bodies to create sound, it feels good to create or recreate melodies that we enjoy, it feels good to express how we feel or to tell a story, and it feels good to create music with others. But it’s more than that – we also sing because we like the way it sounds. We like the sound of the melodies we bring to life, and we like the sound of our voices being the ones to do it. “Hey, that’s me making that melody come to life. Hello, me!”

So the trick to learning to love your voice is not just about making your voice perfect, or even training it to its full potential. Instead, it is to reconnect with the real reasons you sing – the enjoyment of the act of singing and the enjoyment of the sound of singing. Perhaps at first you might only enjoy hearing your favorite melody, but see if you can build on that to enjoy the sound of your voice singing your favorite melody! Start to notice one or two things about your voice you enjoy. Maybe you really like how your voice sounds on low notes, or you like the way your voice sounds when you sing faster songs.

Once you’ve mastered that, it’s time to find some enjoyment in the parts of your voice that you struggle with a little more. I most regularly see singers insecure about high notes (usually in falsetto) or long held notes. It makes sense – these are two ways in which a voice takes up space and which, if you’re struggling to appreciate your voice, might be particularly difficult to like. So practice holding notes longer than you would normally, higher than you would normally. See if you can find some beauty and enjoyment there. Choose songs that cultivate those dusty corners of your voice you might rather ignore.

(Of course, the caveat is to do so in a way that is healthy and sustainable. Don’t force your voice, as that is a sure way to remove the enjoyment and put you right back to square one of hating your voice.)

Learning to love your voice is a lifelong journey, but one that is very rewarding. And you may find that in learning to love your voice, you love yourself a little better, you love those around you a little better, and you love life a little better. That is definitely worth the effort.

Have you struggled with loving your voice? What tips do you have? Please leave a comment your thoughts – I’d love to hear from you. Also, please let me know if there are topics you’d like me to write about in the coming months!

Warmly,

Dr. Jane